just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
