i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
