Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
