she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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