when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
