worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
