He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
