I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.