So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious