I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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