Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up