im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
