talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
