I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im part way to drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
