Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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