ugly people sure do ruin things
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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