You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
