I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
