Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Randomize
