Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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