I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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