I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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