it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
two words: eviction party
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
