I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
