Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
