What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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