I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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