I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
