I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
