I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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