just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
