And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
