Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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