VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
