I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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