She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
