it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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