Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
