OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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