my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
