your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
