he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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