he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
