What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
