its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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