OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
