never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
