dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My pussy is not your playground.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
