can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
