I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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