yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
