grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
