I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
