please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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