My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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