I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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