$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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