life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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