I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
