omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
