My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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