well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
