My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
