Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.