his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.