I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.