I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?