did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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