I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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