So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
