I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
