We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
