My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
