I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just cropdusted the office
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You left your phone here
Wait...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
