So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
