i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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