the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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