There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
