I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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