dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
