hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
