Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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